Da Night Before Orksmas

It wuz da night before Orksmas,when all thru da hut,Nuffin' wuz stirring,'cept for some grot.

Da holstas wuz hung byda smoke-hole way up,In hopes dat Yellowsquig would finally show up.

Da gretchin wuz curled-up,all crammed in da hall,While dreams of sugar-squigstromped in dere skullz.

And da boss in 'eavy armor,and me in my flak,Had just settled our brainzan jumped in our sacks.

When out by da dropsdere wuz such a big fuss,I jumped from my rackta shoot wot it wuz.

Over to da gunportI stumbled wiff a crunch,Tore open da shutters and threw up my lunch.

Da spotlights wuz shining wif a eye-hurtin' glow,Lit up bright as dayda drops below.

When wot did my wandering eyeball should shows,but a 'uge battlewagonand eight right hard boyz.

Wiff a gnarled old kaptin,and a toof box so big,I knew right offdat it must be Yellowsquig.

Faster than Speed Freeks,his flash gitz dey came,An he growled an shoutedan called out dere names

Now, Chinwart! Now, Chopgob!Now, Bogbreff and Bigzit!On, Stumpy! On, Stinkfoot!On, Lardbutt and dat other git!

To da top of da pillbox!To da top of da wall!Now dakka-dakka dakka-dakkadakka-dakka all!

Like a war boar dathas been shot in da gut,When dey sees sumpin move,dey charge and dey butt.

So right for da hut dagitz stomped dere shoes,With a wagon full of teef,and Kaptin Yellowsquig, too.

An den in a bit,I heard on the walls,Da pounding and pinginguv lotsa bolta shells.

As I pulled in my skulland took my bolta in hand,Down thru da roofYellowsquig came wiff his band.

He wuz fitted wiff bioniks from'is skull to 'is foots,An his gear wuz all grimeywiff wot wuz left of da grots.

A bag uv loot he hadtossed over 'is back,And he looked like a mekboywiff 'is favorite tool pack.

'Is eyes- how dey glared!'Is teef how enormous!'Is hide wuz like leather,'Is nose like a fungus!

'Is great gaping gob wuzgivin' out a smelly blow, And da hair-squig on 'is chinwuz yellow like da snow.

Da hat on 'is headwuz fancy an' blue,Wiff a big Jolly Orkstuck on it wiff glue.

He had a ugly mugan' a cast iron spleen,Dat growled when he laffed,like a face-eater wotz mean.

He wuz nasty an' vicious,a right hard old git,An' he laffed when he saw uz,an spit in 'is mitt.

A squint of 'is eye an'a kick from 'is boot,Dat let me knowzhe wuz after our loot.

They didn't say much,but got stuck right in,An' took our jools an' our teef,then gave da boyz a thrashin'.

An' putting 'is fingerway up inside 'is snoot,An' givin a belch,gave da door his boot.

He tromped to 'is wagon,an' to 'is boyz gave a yell,An' away dey all went,like sum bats out of hell.

But I 'eard him bellow,as he drove outta sight...

"Shooty Orksmas ter all,an ter all a good fight!"